It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize