drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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