i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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