I think im going to throw up on grandma
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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