I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
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Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
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I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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