If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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