You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize