DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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