If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
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Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
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Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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