I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
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Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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