The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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