I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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