It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
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He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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