420 ftw
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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