You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize