i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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