i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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