God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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