oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
it was like eating out sand paper
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize