every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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