oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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