Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
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my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
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She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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