2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
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pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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