Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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