I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I think I just sharted jello shots
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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