the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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