Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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