like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize