Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
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Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
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Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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