you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize