My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize