I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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