McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
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She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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