he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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