He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
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He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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