this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We are all done wearing pants today
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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