after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
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Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
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Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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