OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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