dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
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I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
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When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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