I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
it's like heaven, but drunker
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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