New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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