my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
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I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
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bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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