I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
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This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
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What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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