someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize