Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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