Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
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I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
two words...techno handjob
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
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all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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