I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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