So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
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He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
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I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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