my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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