Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
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Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
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The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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